The Daily Blackberry (Continued part 2)

সামান্য কিছু ত্রুটির কারণে আগের পর্বটা মুছে দিতে হয়েছিল। অবশ্য সঙ্গে সঙ্গেই আরও কয়েকটা অধ্যায় যোগ করে আপনাদের সামনে পুনরায় হাজির করা হয়েছে "দ্য ডেইলী ব্ল্যাক বেইরী"। আজকে তার বাকী অধ্যায়গুলো থেকে কয়েকটা অধ্যায় আপনাদের জন্য থাকলো।

সূচনাতে আগেই বলেছি ইংরেজী আমার মায়ের ভাষা নয়। এই ভাষায় সাহিত্য চর্চা করা থেকে বিরত থেকেছিও তাই। আমার প্রবাস জীবনের অ-বাংলাভাষী বন্ধুদের কথা মাথায় রেখেই "দ্য ডেইলী ব্ল্যাক বেইরী"-র পান্ডুলিপি তৈরী। পান্ডুলিপির জন্মের পর আমার পুরনো বন্ধুদের কাছ থেকে উৎসাহ / সমালোচনা পাবার নিমিত্তে সচলায়তনের পাতায় এর প্রথম প্রকাশ।

আরেকটি কথা "দ্য ডেইলী ব্ল্যাক বেইরী"কে পূর্ণ উপন্যাস না বলে দীর্ঘ ছোট-গল্প বলাটাই বোধহয় শ্রেয়। এখন থেকে এই দীর্ঘ ছোট-গল্পের প্রতিটি অধ্যায় আসতে থাকবে ক্রমশঃ, সচলায়তনে, আমার ব্লগে।

======= ====== =====

The Daily Blackberry - Continued
- A Long Short-Story
By Maskwaith Ahsan

( All characters and incidents are fictitious. Any resemblance to any one alive or dead is mere coincidence. The author cannot take responsibility for his vivid imagination.)

[Previously on Blackberry]

Kunta Kinte at home

Mrs. Luci is about to throw away her husband’s blackberry for she is suspicious of his receiving and sending fe-mails all the time. Weekends are especially bad as he is then supposed to clean the windows, mow the grass, remove snow from the porch and help with other household chores. This issue has been bothering Luci for quite sometime. One day while going through family photographs he sees one in which his grandparents are sitting on chairs with two maid servants at their feet. The photograph dated Nov 16, 1946 -- Delhi. He jumps up and runs out half-naked like Archimedes and yelling ‘Eureka, Eureka.’

He calls up Tahmida to find out if she knows anyone who could be of domestic help; a post-modern coinage for maid servant. She tells him that her best friend Jarina is jobless and hoping to work as a journalist at the Blackberry. Luci tells Tahmida that Jarina can start her probation at his house under the direct supervision of Mrs. Luci and later in case of vacancy she can join the Blackberry.

Jarina arrives at Luci’s house one day for an interview. Mrs. Luci dislikes this thin, black Ethiopian-looking girl with large specs on her nose and headphones glued to her ears. Jarina’s heavily accented wrong English jars Mrs. Luci out of her senses. Catching the tail end of Jarina’s monotone chattering she realizes that this girl refuses to work on weekends because of her swimming and dance lessons. Mrs. Luci is not at all happy but she has to accept the fact that times have indeed changed. Finding colonial-style full-time helping hands can only remain a dream.

Jarina misses no chance to impress Luci with her accented wrong English, while Luci relishes this true offspring of colonial discourse. Luci has no idea of South Asian politics, so Jarina fills him in on issues that are actually non-issues. In a short time Luci’s living room turns into a fools’ paradise. Jarina’s chattering earns her a free-lance job at the Blackberry but on the condition that she continues to visit the Luci House thrice a week. Mrs. Luci requests her to drop her MP3 player at least when she is helping with household chores. With long-term prospects in mind Jarina has no choice but to accept this tough condition.

Jungle Game Theory

Lucifera suffers from acute paranoia; he feels threatened by experienced journalists in the house and annoyed at those who are not willing to be part of his puppetry. He plants Nanny, Diya and Tahmida in different sections as informers. To establish his uni-polar system he creates a cold and tense environment. Taking control of everything under his umbrella he diligently sits in front of the computer to prepare duty charts, a typical promotee psyche. His duty charts favour his favourites: the commonwealth girls. Depriving senior freelancers, Nanny is offered regular work and money. When confronted on this issue, Luci shrugs off the responsibility by claiming huge budget shortage.
“I am lying down overturned with tied arms and legs.”
But when it comes to paying nanny and Jarina his arms and legs are as free as those of a demi-god, with a Don Juan smile to top it off.

With senior journalists becoming a pain for Luci, Gobi suggests ethnic cleansing by fabricating charges against them. Diya is assigned to collect false charges of sexual harassment from the commonwealth girls. Girls who are not even worthy of any sexual destination.

Lucifera holds absolute power when it comes to recruiting puppets. According to the Luci doctrine everyone can do everything. Indeed, when a promotee can run a media house, then Nanny, Tahmida, Diya and Jarina, too, can claim to be journalists. So eliminate Rakesh, a journalist with passion, who occupies himself with intensive research for his articles and talks too much in meetings on content-improvement. Rakesh takes all the insults from Luci because of his faith on Gandhi Ji’s non-violent teachings. Even in an age of great dictators like Bush, Putin, Kim Yong Il, Mugabe or Lucifera, Rakesh waits for the dawn when truth shall rise like a phoenix from ashes.

Animal Farm – Part 2

We should pursue our readers the way a cat chases a mouse, Lucifera briefs his neo-journalists. But budget deficit is a constant hiccup.
“I am in a desperate situation, the way a cat chases its own tail,” bemoans Luci, but not for too long. He is confident of making a three-piece suit out of a cloth small enough for an underwear. From his lot of commonwealth girls he is sure of finding horses for the courses. After all, in his words, print media has gone antique and the future is on-line. Rakesh tries to tell him that as Blackberry targets third world countries not many readers have access to internet. Luci rejects this fact: “If we don’t go on-line our situation will soon be that of a cat among pigeons.

Budget shortage has forced Luci to suggest reprinting of good articles: “Give new shape to old articles, whitewash a crow and present it as a peacock.” All wonder if this is Luci’s basic theory in life too. Rolling his eyes, Luci acts like he is going to disclose Pentagon’s biggest secret. Let the cat out of the bag: “We have received the highest telephone bills this month. Please stop making personal calls.” The fact that his commonwealth girls top the list of those who keep the lines busy with long-distance tele-sex calls is conveniently ignored.
“I can take the horse to the water but can’t make it drink”. Iqbal repeats the animal proverb like a parrot and tries to apply it in support of Luci’s reprinting suggestion: “As Mr Luci says, less is more.” Little does Iqbal know that Luci plagiarized this theory from Melvin Mencher’s ‘Basic News Writing’.
The way Luci’s meetings are jinxed with childish theories of journalism and budget shortage, it seems that perhaps his would-be book will carry the title ‘Save Money Rape Journalism’.